Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Monday the 23rd; June 2014 .... biopsy

Just for today I will not worry...
Sunday was another beautiful day for a road trip, I sat comfortably behind the wheel of Margaret's little auto Corolla as we were preparing to leave, my tight grip and sweaty palms giving away my attempt to hide my anxiousness at driving in the city. I know that this sounds like a crazy thing to be worried about when you think about the reason behind the trip...but just for today I wanted to get us there safely, and I did.

This is Brendan above, 2000 Australian Ironman finisher, he is fit and strong...this is what he is capable off, mind body and spirit when I look at him, this is what I see....not the illness he has at the moment, but the strength he has always!

As we set off there was not a lot of conversation about where or why we were going to Sydney. Without saying so to each other, Brendan and I are not focusing on the what if's and what it could be's...we know he is strong, fit and determined...just for today that is our focus.

Monday Morning was an early 6:30 am start, We got Bren settled into the PTU at RPA , and I popped over to the Lifehouse to use the restroom and grab some coffee while Margaret parked the car, the lady at the front desk is a kind, cheerful, caring woman and we have spoken several times briefly over the last week and a bit, she makes you feel like she knows you and is there for you, later in the day, it must have been toward the end of her shift, as I was leaving the cafe again I said to her, "it's been a long day for you, you've been here since 6:30". She looked at me with so much warmth and said "So have you, why are you here?" I told her, and she nodded knowingly and said "you take care". This is a representation of the specialness that is The Chris O"Brien Lifehouse.

I stayed with Bren for most of the day, [before and after his op] and except for that couple of hours, when Margaret slipped into the City centre to have lunch with Brendan's sister, so did she. By about 4:00pm Bren was ready for some quiet time, he was sore, tired and still a bit out of it from the anesthetic, and was probably sick of being mothered by his mother and his wife, so we left him in peace and went and had an early dinner on King St and then back to our accommodation. We finished the day by visiting Brendans sister Elizabeth and her partner at home, and enjoyed a little catch up with our gorgeous Tilly, just one year old and Uncle Bren and my only niece so far on the Maloney side of the family.

The next morning we picked Bren up bright and early, he was still very sore, but at least now has a crutch to take a little of the pressure when he has to walk a distance. We stopped at Macca's near the hospital to have some breakfast and to let the peak hour traffic pass, and that was when a few quietly and calmly spoken words gently let me know that things would get a little more challenging before they got better.

I had just come back from the loo, and Bren looked at me and said "the doctor said at rounds last night that it looks like it's nasty." I felt my heart stop, and then there was nothing, just a brief numbness, I looked at his Mum and her face drained as she fought back tears. Bren and I just rested our heads on each others, and I shed a few silent tears. Then we all kind of straightened up, took a breath and that was it. Done, we knew. Bren asked if I was Ok, I said "yep! We're all going to be Ok." then he asked his Mum and she said yes, and we finished our breakfast. It wasn't momentous or dramatic, a simple sharing of facts and an acknowledgment that we all understood what was happening. Simple. Now we can move forward and do what needs to be done.

A few times that day on the trip home either Margaret or I fussed, and tried to help out when it wasn't needed and Bren ended up saying "I'm bent, not broken" ...with a cheeky smile on his face, his way of saying "relax I'm Ok!"

And he is and will continue to be, as we take this thing in our stride, day by day, doing what we can to get him better!

The results of the biopsy have not come back yet, we just have Dr Stalleys comment from rounds that night, at the moment...but a name for what it is is just a name, I am choosing not to focus on what it is, but on Brendan's strength of mind, body and spirit, as that is what I aim on multiplying :)

Just for today I will not worry!